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Joe Biden is ‘healthy, active, robust,’ says White House doctor…


In the latest episode of “Presidential Health Mysteries,” President Joe Biden underwent his annual physical, and the verdict is in: he’s been stamped with a big ol’ seal of approval from his doc! That’s right, folks, according to White House physician Kevin O’Connor, our Commander-in-Chief is a “healthy, active, robust 81-year-old male,” which basically means he’s still got enough pep in his step to run circles around the duties of the presidency. And all this in just a breezy three-hour check-up!

The Presidential Tune-Up

Now, before anyone starts picturing Biden bench-pressing in the Oval Office, let’s dive into the deets. The doc’s six-page report, which probably has more pages than my car’s last service check, highlighted a few “old-timer” ailments. We’re talking sleep apnea (no more late-night Netflix binges, perhaps?), a-fib with a beat that won’t quit, hyperlipidemia (because who doesn’t love a greasy burger?), among other senior specials like spinal arthritis and sensory peripheral neuropathy of the feet. But hey, his walk might be stiff, yet it hasn’t hit the downgrade button since last year. So, walk on, Mr. President, walk on.

The Secret Mission to Walter Reed

In a move that could rival any spy flick, Biden zipped off to Walter Reed Army Medical Center for this health check-up under the radar. With his public schedule as empty as my fridge pre-grocery day, he gave the paparazzi the slip before 9 a.m., making a covert escape on Marine One. This isn’t his first rodeo, though. It’s year three of the “Biden Health Watch,” a tradition shrouded in as much mystery as the annual visit itself.

Age Ain’t Nothing but a Number… Or Is It?

Here’s the kicker: amidst all the health hoopla, Biden’s age and sprightliness (or lack thereof, depending on who you ask) have been the talk of the town. With 76% of voters in a recent poll furrowing their brows over his age as he eyes another term, and only 34% convinced of his mental gymnastics for a second stint, it’s clear that his birthday candles are burning brighter in the public eye.

No Brain Games This Time

For those wondering if Biden played any memory games or doodled on cognitive tests during his visit, press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre played defense. No need for brain teasers when you’ve got the daily grind of presidency serving up mental marathons, she suggested. Last year, Biden was dubbed “healthy and vigorous,” with a side note of a few age-related quirks, proving that even presidents aren’t immune to the tick-tock of Father Time.

The President’s Post-Check-Up Glow

Biden, ever the charmer, brushed off post-exam inquiries with a casual “I’m all right,” during a crime roundtable, probably while mentally planning his next ice cream escapade. And when prodded about any health concerns Americans should lose sleep over, he quipped, “They think I look too young.” Ah, Mr. President, if only humor could be bottled and sold as an elixir of youth!

So there you have it, folks. The health report is in, and it looks like Biden is set to keep jogging along the presidential path, ailments and all. Here’s to hoping his “gas in the tank” keeps him cruising through whatever comes next, with maybe just a few more naps squeezed in for good measure. After all, in the whirlwind world of politics, a little rest never hurt anybody, right?